just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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