you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
