It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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