It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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