so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
