words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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