Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
