I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
