I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
