I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
