You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
