There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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