My pussy is not your playground.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
