i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
