Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My vagina is officially offended.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
