I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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