how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
