You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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