i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
