WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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