I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
