Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
