saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
