i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
