I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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