my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
