Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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