grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
