Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
