Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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