Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
