i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
