Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
