I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
