My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
