So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
