great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize