he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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