i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
