Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
