waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
