I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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