I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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