shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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