Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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