im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
