Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize