By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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