your parents love me but you hate me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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