there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
