Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize