I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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