the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
