It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize