you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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