i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
