I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
