I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
