i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
