Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
