dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I met the friendliest cop last night
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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