I wish i was in the wii world.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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