Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
