1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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