No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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