I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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