i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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