Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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