I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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