Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

My nipple is on Facebook.

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(206): View more from Washington

She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.

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(512): View more from Texas

i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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(574): View more from Indiana

Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom

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(314): View more from Missouri

I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.

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(907): View more from Alaska

On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face

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(818): View more from California

Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?

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(510): View more from California

A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.

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