there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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