I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
