No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
