i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
